cheyvp
Are you in a relation? It is important in one’s relationship that you know and understand each other. Give and take is important in your relationship. But many say that the girl should be the one who needs to adjust for her partner. I think some will disagree with that, right? I don’t know if you noticed that when you and your boyfriend or husband is in the courtship stage they are the one who pleases and impresses you, of course they like or love you that’s why they do that. And when they get your “YES” thing, maybe some of them will say that they are the happiest man in the world (?). So your first to three months is like you both were in heaven, you don’t care about others (even if they do not agree with your relationship) whatever they say. As months goes by you will get to know each other, you’ll both see your differences. You will now know that he’s not that sweet and showy with his feelings. And everything seems to go in another direction, when he courts you, he follows you everywhere, but now that he is your boyfriend, you follow him everywhere (that is if you love him that much). Sometimes they don’t want you to follow him everywhere, he needs space. And because you love him you will obey him. But some girls will fight for what they think is right. If they want to follow the guy, they will follow him wherever he go. And sometimes it will be the cause of quarrel.In a successful relationship, both must give and take. And most of the time, it is the girl who needs to adjust, but not all the time. If you are against with what he is doing, you can tell him in a nice way. DON’T NAG! You can explain your side, just speak softly and he will understand you. Maybe on the first time you talk to him he may not understand you, but I think if you’re important to him he will consider your point. But before you talk to him, think first, what he really wants to do and when you don’t have the answer, it’s time to talk and explain your side. Try to look each other’s point of view. If he is talking don’t butt in, wait for your turn. Just listen and analyze on what he is saying. And in the long run if you are truly compatible and he truly loves you, he will give real importance to your feelings and needs. He will realize how important you are and he wants you to be by his side for the rest of his life.
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The Relationship Mistake of Settling
by Gary Caine
There are generally two types of mindset when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. There are those who are quite content being independent and single, they perceive a relationship as a bonus, should someone special enter their life. They are quite self-sufficient and by no means need to have a relationship. They, by and large, are open the idea, should life bring them in that direction.
Then there are those who crave a relationship. They yearn for a relationship, to such an extreme, that they make an unwise choice that leads to sadness, dissatisfaction and broken hearts. The majority of the adult single population fit into the later way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.
Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. It is quite common and only inevitably leads down a road of frustration. Caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find "the one" and the constant ticking of the clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen.
If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships out of the fear of being single and the longing to be a couple, once the relationships falter, the result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing to remain in the relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that is not the one truthfully desired. If a person has had a string of broken hearts or is very unsatisfied in their relationship, looking at this from the standpoint of being responsible for whom you choose to be with in a relationship, may bring new perspective to the possibility of settling. If settling is occurring, identifying this as the underlying problem, a person can take preventive measures.
Let us look deeper into the reasons of why one settles. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry and then have usually have children. Creating our own family and growing old with our soul mate is instilled in our minds from a very young age. As we enter our late teenage years and early twenties, we are usually weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain a healthy and loving relationship. If a person does not find a truly compatible mate, one that fulfills their emotional and physical needs, provides love, understanding, concern and support through life's difficulties, it is at this time that one may opt to settle.
There are several aspects involved when one settles. A person may not even realize that they are indeed settling. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable relationship, a person may settle for a less than compatible relationship. In the beginning of the relationship, this person will feel a temporary relief from the difficulties of being single. With the stereotype of being single in their past, they will enter a relationship full force. Ignoring red flag warnings, and dismissing any subconscious doubts, this person will remain in the relationship until it falls apart. The relationship may be stormy, as a result of an false connection, or it may be a rather peaceful relationship but lacking the strong and powerful love that one deserves.
Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to the either person in the relationship. We all desire love. We all desire for someone to care for us above all else. We all desire the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. Setting does not produce those results.
If realizing that you are settling, ask yourself this: Do you wish to spend your time in a relationship that is doomed or will bring you limited satisfaction? If entering into one relationship after another with people that you know do not possess the qualities that you are ultimately seeking, do you wish to continue doing so, knowing it will lead to disappointment when the relationship ends?
We all possess the capability to set reasonable expectations in a future mate. Looking into our hearts, we know what type of person will fulfill our needs. Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. You should be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.
The Argument Women Can't Win
When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely.During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend.
It starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed.
While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.
This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood.
When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She ask me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.
The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.
If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your boyfriend/husband then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject.
Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb.
Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive.
On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two.
:)
Girls take note of this...
50 Universal Truths About Men
1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.
2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.
4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.
6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.
8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.
10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel helpless.
11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.
14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.
15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.
17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a girl.
18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.
19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.
21. The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.
22. You look hot in a dress.
23. I hate being told what to do when I don't ask for help. It makes me feel you're my mother.
24. If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I'm less motivated.
25. During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.
26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?
27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.
31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..
32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me want to stop giving them.
33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.
35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – Go with my actions, that will always tell you what’s in my heart.
37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).
38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point you are trying to make.
39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.
40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.
41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.
42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.
43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
45. It isn’t how much you weigh; it’s that your body is proportionate which is so attractive.
46. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).
47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.
48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.
:)
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