The Argument Women Can't Win

(Additional article from our good friend and Mj’s favorite….Tita Anna.

Thanks for your time and effort in making this article.)

When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely. During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend.

It starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed. While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.

This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood. When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She asks me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.

The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.

If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your partner then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject. Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb.

Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive. On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two. :)

RELATIONSHIP

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Are you in a relation? It is important in one’s relationship that you know and understand each other. Give and take is important in your relationship. But many say that the girl should be the one who needs to adjust for her partner. I think some will disagree with that, right? I don’t know if you noticed that when you and your boyfriend or husband is in the courtship stage they are the one who pleases and impresses you, of course they like or love you that’s why they do that. And when they get your “YES” thing, maybe some of them will say that they are the happiest man in the world (?). So your first to three months is like you both were in heaven, you don’t care about others (even if they do not agree with your relationship) whatever they say. As months goes by you will get to know each other, you’ll both see your differences. You will now know that he’s not that sweet and showy with his feelings. And everything seems to go in another direction, when he courts you, he follows you everywhere, but now that he is your boyfriend, you follow him everywhere (that is if you love him that much). Sometimes they don’t want you to follow him everywhere, he needs space. And because you love him you will obey him. But some girls will fight for what they think is right. If they want to follow the guy, they will follow him wherever he go. And sometimes it will be the cause of quarrel.

In a successful relationship, both must give and take. And most of the time, it is the girl who needs to adjust, but not all the time. If you are against with what he is doing, you can tell him in a nice way. DON’T NAG! You can explain your side, just speak softly and he will understand you. Maybe on the first time you talk to him he may not understand you, but I think if you’re important to him he will consider your point. But before you talk to him, think first, what he really wants to do and when you don’t have the answer, it’s time to talk and explain your side. Try to look each other’s point of view. If he is talking don’t butt in, wait for your turn. Just listen and analyze on what he is saying. And in the long run if you are truly compatible and he truly loves you, he will give real importance to your feelings and needs. He will realize how important you are and he wants you to be by his side for the rest of his life.